Caring for our caregivers

Tom of Kelowna knows well the challenges that come with caring for a spouse. In 2012, his wife started showing signs of memory loss. It took two years before he convinced his family doctor to test her, and another two for a diagnosis of dementia.

Feeling frustrated and concerned, Tom sought support early on in his caregiver journey from Interior Health (IH) and Lake Country Health, which offers a community caregiver support group. While the IH group provided education and resources, the community group meetings focused on sharing stories, advice and experiences among six to nine caregivers with loved ones with dementia or Alzheimer’s.

“The education and resources gave me time to mentally and physically prepare for the future,” says Tom. “In my community group, just being able to share the hurt, pain and struggle with those going through the same journey was a relief. I also learned how to change my responses and behaviour around my wife – how to redirect her, and how to be patient.”

Tom also took advantage of respite care. “I couldn’t leave my wife alone,” he explains. “The respite worker would come to visit, and allowed me to go out and run errands, get some groceries and have a break from round-the-clock caregiving.”

Shannon Paul-Jost is a clinical nurse specialist in gerontology, and a member of the Seniors Specialized Care Transformation team. “Caregivers are part of a circle of care and are experts in the care of their loved ones. Health-care professionals must listen to the lived experiences of caregivers, and encourage and support them in looking after their own needs,” she says.

“We must remind them to ‘Put on your own oxygen mask first’ – tend to their own physical, emotional, mental, financial and spiritual needs before helping others. That way, they are in the best state to provide care to their loved one, and to cope with this enormous responsibility.”

Tom continued to attend support meetings for over a year and a half after his wife started living in long-term care at Three Links Manor. Says Tom, “The folks at Three Links were nothing less than wonderful. It’s a really good facility.” He adds, “But I still had the challenges caregivers often deal with: the loss of a relationship, the responsibility of visiting my wife, and the need to interact with staff. Even when your loved one is in care, the caregiving doesn’t stop.”

Sadly, Tom’s wife passed away in April of 2023. Through his caregiver support groups, he has formed new friendships and bonds, and continues to meet informally with them. “The caregiver supports helped me get through what became a 10-year journey.”

As a caregiver, you can access resources to help you take care of yourself. These websites and pages provide education, help and support:

Information for Caregivers | Interior Health

Adult Day Services | Interior Health

Family Caregivers of British Columbia | Caregiver information, resources and support

Better at Home | United Way | Helping seniors remain independent

Office of the Seniors Advocate | BC Provincial Government

Caring for Seniors | BC Provincial Government

211 British Columbia | Free and confidential service about community resources